I’m excited to share today’s guest blog post from my fellow B-school Babe Gina Senarighi. Gina works focuses on Relationship and Couples Counseling and Coaching as well as Group Development Training and Consulting.
Enjoy, and let’s all stop “should-ing”!
I received the best advice of my life when I was in Coaching School in 2007. I was overwhelmed, had just left a dreary job, was in the middle of one I didn’t know how to manage, was leaving my sweet six-year dream relationship, and had just started another round of graduate school. I used a string of “shoulds” while explaining a missed assignment when my instructor cut me off.
“What would your life be like if you stopped should-ing all over yourself?” She asked. It was all I needed to ignite serious change in my life. I began to notice how often I did things not because I wanted to, but because I thought I should. It became clear how often I thought the word or acted on shoulds without even saying them out loud.
She was right, it was time for a change.
I am not saying it got easier that moment. I had to do a lot of work to realign my life to my values and vision. But that one question helped me loosen up my relationship with my strong self critic and be a little more gentle with myself.
Instead of making decisions because I felt obligated (the kinds of decisions that build resentment), or to avoid something, I was making decisions because I wanted to, and because they fulfilled one of my core values. At every cross roads I would ask myself if this decision would lead to greater integrity or health. if I couldn’t answer absolute yes, I would make myself say no.
So now I ask clients, How would your life be different without all the shoulds? What values would you like to move towards? How can I help you stop shoulding all over yourself?