Kristen Rzasa

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Guest Blog Post: Stop Should-ing All Over Yourself

Blog Post

5 Apr

I’m excited to share today’s guest blog post from my fellow B-school Babe Gina Senarighi.  Gina works focuses on Relationship and Couples Counseling and Coaching as well as Group Development Training and Consulting.

Enjoy, and let’s all stop “should-ing”!

K

stop-shoulding

I received the best advice of my life when I was in Coaching School in 2007.  I was overwhelmed, had just left a dreary job, was in the middle of one I didn’t know how to manage, was leaving my sweet six-year dream relationship, and had just started another round of graduate school.  I used a string of “shoulds” while explaining a missed assignment when my instructor cut me off.

“What would your life be like if you stopped should-ing all over yourself?”  She asked.  It was all I needed to ignite serious change in my life.  I began to notice how often I did things not because I wanted to, but because I thought I should.  It became clear how often I thought the word or acted on shoulds without even saying them out loud.

She was right, it was time for a change.

I am not saying it got easier that moment.  I had to do a lot of work to realign my life to my values and vision.  But that one question helped me loosen up my relationship with my strong self critic and be a little more gentle with myself.

Instead of making decisions because I felt obligated (the kinds of decisions that build resentment), or to avoid something, I was making decisions because I wanted to, and because they fulfilled one of my core values.  At every cross roads I would ask myself if this decision would lead to greater integrity or health.  if I couldn’t answer absolute yes, I would make myself say no.

So now I ask clients, How would your life be different without all the shoulds?  What values would you like to move towards?   How can I help you stop shoulding all over yourself?

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